This is a scary post for me. It's vulnerable. But I know I'm not alone. I just know it. We all wear a mask...we walk in to church, stores, parties and say, "I'm great", and inside we are hurting. Here's the conflict for me: I'm a Health & Wellness Advocate and a Christian, I should have this all together. (Long pause) Then why don't I?
It's been a real struggle for a very long time. Some say, "It's your nature". Or, I've said, "It's my personality". Is it? I do all the right things to keep it at bay: there's prayer, worship, exercise (lots of it), talking with friends, and, well, you get the point. I recently had a glimpse into the beginning of the relationship with anxiety.
It became a part of me early on. The problem is, I didn't recognize it for what it was. So it stuck around, and then, before I knew it, I embraced it as a "way of life". They say stress is one of the biggest causes of physical health problems. Well, as a cancer conqueror, I guess I'm proof.
Here's the deal: Knowing it's part of my nature has not been enough for me to actively put a stop to the behavior. Knowing it's "origin" is the key (I believe). I am just now tapping into this...knowing it's origin. It's not a comfortable place to be. It's uncertain. Honestly, it's so frustrating. Here's what I do, "Really, you are going to be sad today? Look at all the other people in the world who have "real" problems. You are just being selfish." Yes, my inner self talk is harsh.
But, I will say this. I have an "inner knowing" that I have reached a pivotal place in my healing. You know that "feeling". So, I'm blogging about it. I believe I'm not alone. If you have ever watched the series "Lost", I often compare us all to that show. We meet the characters and develop judgements about who they are...then, weeks into the show, we go back in their history and see "what situations" caused the character to develop their personality. All of a sudden, we, the viewer, understand and have compassion for who they have become. This series really helped me have compassion for people. After all, we all have a "story".
I've been on a "search party" for the cause of my anxiety for a long time. If I need to be in tension and turmoil for a period to get to the root, I accept the challenge (most days).
I'm tired of just cutting off branches, only to have them grow back in another form. I'm ready for the root. I will say this, I am an overcomer. So, I put on my oils to support my mental health, I get up every day and meet the challenge, and I set the course to divorce "anxiety" as a friend. I remind myself that every day is part of the journey and contains valuable information towards the goal. I stay in healthy relationships. I listen for truths.
Don't give up. Be authentic. I know, we have to wear a "mask" at times, but when you can take the mask off and be transparent, do it. Someone, some thing, has a piece of your answer towards divorcing anxiety. Be open to collecting the pieces. Each piece will lead to a finished puzzle that makes sense.
For more about who I am and what I do, go to: www.terridavis.co